Keine Kamishirasawa VS Baldi
Keine Kamishirasawa VS Baldi is a What If? episode of Death Battle that features 2 aggressive teachers from different schools: Keine Kamishirasawa from Touhou Project and Baldi from Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning. Keine Kamishirasawa is to be voiced by Kate Higgins. Description Two teachers of each subject were once innocent, but turned aggressive and abusive. Keine Kamishirasawa takes on Baldi for battle! Who will be the smartest in the fight between these two? Interlude (*Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates*) Wiz: If you went to the school earlier and see the teacher of each subject, he or she is once innocent to educate you until he or she got too aggressive for what a student like you has done. Boomstick: But what if you probably came late to attend a class, made a mistake, answered the question wrong, or violated the school rules? Wiz: The teacher is going to aggressively beat the hell out of you for good. Boomstick: Ouch! It is the abusive thing in the school ever! Wiz: Keine Kamishirasawa, the history teacher of Touhou Project. Boomstick: And Baldi, the bald-head professor of Baldi's Basics of Education and Learning. (Camera zooms out to reveal Wizard & Boomstick) Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle. Keine Kamishirasawa (*Cues: SWR Pre-Battle Theme - Usual Days*) Wiz: In Touhou universe, Gensokyo is set up for all its events. And there are many magical girls and Youkais populated around. Boomstick: Wow! A nice magical land with more female population... and even lesser males. Wiz: This land contains cultures and locations that resemble those of feudal Japan, like for example, Hakurei Shrine is a striking resemblance to a Shinto shrine. Boomstick: And even Human Village! Men, it has major human population than Youkais. Wiz: Yet there is a powerful guardian of the human village is named Keine Kamishirasawa. Prior to the events of the evening Harvest Moon Festival in Gensokyo, she constructed Terakoya, resembling a Japanese school, for teaching students about history since it started the creation plan in the 117th Season of the Gensokyo Timeline. Boomstick: Whoa! That chick is sure pretty than expected! What else she can do? Wiz: Actually, she spends her days as a history teacher in the school. However, its popularity is struggling. Also, she acts as a protector of the Human Village instead. Boomstick: Like she did in the game? Wiz: Yep. Boomstick: Ha ha! (*Cues: Imperishable Night - Keine Kamishirasawa's Theme: Plain Asia (Remixed)*) Wiz: Despite being a human form, she is obviously a were-Hakutaku or therianthrope because she can always turn herself into Hakutaku as her alternative form. Compared to her same height, her hakutaku form is taller than her human form because of her horns. Boomstick: Oh men! Her alternative form is monstrous! Seriously Wiz, what is Hakutaku? Just asking. Wiz: Hakutaku is a Japanese counterpart of Bai Zé, a fantastic beast in Chinese mythology. These terms in 2 different languages mean "white marsh." Boomstick: Huh... That beast looks like a cow. Wiz: In Japanese mythology, Hakutaku is once called Kutabe to be identical to the Bai Ze and clearly appeared on Mount Tateyama in Toyama prefecture. Then the legend said "predicted that a deadly plague would sweep through in the next few years. Hakutaku is prescribed that its own image be used as a talisman to ward off the disease, and since then this beast has been worshiped as a guardian spirit of herbal medicine." Boomstick: Hakutaku, as a Japanese mythical creature, appears to be either a bovine or a monster with 9 eyes and 6 horns that arranged in sets of 3 and 2 on both its flanks and its human-like face. Wiz: In addition, this creature is commonly depicted to feature the lion's body and 8 eyes, known for forming with one or more horns on their heads, but the number of extra eyes varies depending on how many of them, and sometimes its image is appeared with at least one at the center of its head. You see that, Boomstick? Boomstick: Whoa! Seems monstrous though. Wiz: It is considered to become intelligent, and smartly well read with the power to understand human language. Boomstick: Yeah, that is smart, Wiz! Wiz: Then according to the Japanese author, Daisetsu Teitaro Suzuki, Hakutaku is described as a creature with its body that resembles a hand and its head look like a human being. It is believed that this creature ate people's bad dreams and evil experiences. While people are wishing it to eat all the ills that are likely to suffer themselves, they used to hang its image on the entrance gate or inside the house. That's the reason why most Hakutakus can eat what is terrible. Boomstick: Yep! Good for mythical creatures. After spending her days in the school and during the game she first appeared, Keine is being sensitive to the moon to sense the occurring strange events. Wiz: As a safeguard of the Human Village, she kept its history secret, making it as if there had never been a village nearby to begin with, and that the Gensokyo inhabitants could be possibly protected from any sort of a powerful youkai. Boomstick: Wiz, you mean Imperishable Night. Wiz: Right then. Based on danmaku patterns, her 2 forms are able to possess different abilities, such as eating and creating history as a human and hakutaku respectively. Boomstick: Just like a Hakutaku. For her human form, she eats history... and tastes delicious! What? How much information of the history to fit her mind after eating it? Wiz: Though this is stated as eating, it is obvious that she is just only concealing history from the outside viewers, including heroines. Boomstick: When Keine turned into Hakutaku form, she creates history instead of eating. Wiz: Apparently, according to her official profile in Imperishable Night, she is aware of the origins and entire history of Gensokyo in this state too. (Camera switches to Wiz & Boomstick) Boomstick: Damn! Both of these alternate forms are different and extremely powerful just like most of danmaku patterns. Anyway, how many Spell Cards she has in order to manipulate danmaku patterns? Wiz: At least 6 spell cards. With these cards, she can manipulate the danmaku paths to take down any heroine like Reimu Hakurei, a shrine maiden, while entirely eating history in her human form or creating it in her hakutaku form. (Camera follows Boomstick) Boomstick: Whoa-ho! These danmaku patterns are absolutely outstanding for her spell cards! This includes Origin Sign "Ephemerality 137", which can eat only 137 years of existence in Gensokyo. Damn! How long it would take? (Camera follows Wiz) Wiz: Each pattern of her spell card with the same name works differently and can be done in total of 90 seconds, making it divided into 30 seconds by 3 as usual as all of them in the game canon. However, Hieda no Akyuu states in the book, titled Perfect Memento in Strict Sense by the same creator, ZUN, that the Hieda clan's history is above Keine's abilities, and is thus not hers. (*Cues: Imperishable Night - Stage 3 Theme: Nostalgic Blood of the East ~ Old World*) Wiz: Following her defeat, she pointed out the heroines toward anyone who are clearly responsible for the fake moon in the sky. So she survives like most Touhou characters. Boomstick: Also, she taught the students history lessons as a schoolteacher, stared at a Full Moon to turn herself into hakutaku form, and protected Human Village from unwanted ones, including heroines. (Camera switches to Boomstick) Boomstick: Wiz, we forgot to talk about her relationship with other Touhou characters. (Camera follows Wiz) Wiz: Relationship with who? (Camera switches to Wiz & Boomstick) Boomstick: I recommend Fujiwara no Mokou. You know, she's the white-haired girl who became an immortal by drinking Hourai Elixir 1300 years ago and can resist and manipulate fire. (Camera follows to Wiz) Wiz: The Hourai Elxiir was created by Eirin Yagokoro, the eternal pharmacist, and contains the power of the lunar princess, known as Kaguya Houraisan, to manipulate eternity. However, this is forbidden. Anyone who drinks it can cause their body to cease aging and, never become ill, and never be dead. (Camera switches to Wiz & Boomstick) Boomstick: Mokou is friends with her for worrying about Mokou's health, visiting her and both are often seen together in various images in game canon. In Imperishable Night, she later acts in her hakutaku form like a guardian to protect Fujiwara no Mokou and her attempt to stop any heroine from reaching and facing Mokou in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. Wiz: Yes, they are. Boomstick: And what about her minor relationship with Reimu Hakurei? The canon difference between manga and games states that Keine doesn't think Reimu is doing her job, by getting inclined towards being friendly to youkais rather than humans. (Camera follows Wiz) Wiz: Is that how she becomes friends with both youkais and humans? (Camera switches to Boomstick) Boomstick: Yep, that's her job as were-hakutaku. Wiz: Keine is loyal and dutiful, having her responsibilities to the Human Village, as both a proper teacher and its powerful guardian. As a teacher, she dislikes discourteous people, but aside from that, she is generally kind and friendly towards humans, or perhaps the exception for when she assumed her hakutaku mode. Boomstick: Yeah, Wiz. She used to be friendly to other people as a human form. For her hakutaku form, she becomes very aggressive and hostile to them either. Wiz: That's unfriendly in how she turns herself into her alternate form if anyone has horribly done to her, especially insulting and messing. In order to prevent her from transforming into hakutaku as an abusive creature, you better always respect a schoolteacher and the guardian of the Human Village in her human form for sure. Keine: I won't let any Yokai enter the Human Village, that includes Magicians too. Baldi (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - Intro*) Boomstick: Here School, a place where the weird and strange students and staff work and learn anything. Otherwise, it is also known as Schoolhouse or The Thing. (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - School*) Wiz: Well, if you met Professor Baldi when he was once innocent to welcome you in his school. Boomstick: Upon entering the school, he waves his hands and says "Hi" as his greeting at the student, who is serving as the main protagonist of the game. Just look at him. Baldi: Oh, hi! Welcome to my Schoolhouse! Boomstick: See? He is an innocent teacher. During the field trip, he appears in his camping outfit at the front of a school bus to go camping in the campsite. What a nice guy! Wiz: I know, right? After Baldi welcoming the new student in the entrance hall of the school, he or she goes to the classroom, get the Notebooks|notebook, which is left from their friend along with the next 6 notebooks, and answer the following questions in Baldi's only favorite subject: Math. Boomstick: Oh... How to answer these mathematical problems? Wiz: Using "You Can Think!" Pad, a math tablet. If the student picked up a notebook, he or she can use it to teach math. Boomstick: Yeah, that's the good thing. So if the student perfectly got correct answers in all 3 questions with only numbers, decimal points, and/or dashes for any negative amounts, Professor Baldi will comically tell the player "Wow! You exist!" and give him or her a silver quarter as a reward. How great to feel! Wiz: That's how the student answer the questions without making mistakes. However, if he or she answered the question wrong, Baldi is aggressively being very, very angry as his face changes to distortion, making him appear to be intensely frowning, his eyebrows horribly furrows to express anger and can bring out his ruler to constantly smack while chasing after him or her and his speed is getting faster, even if you ever failed to answer the final questions correctly for the first 6 notebooks or waiting the brightness of a campfire too long. So the student better runs away from Baldi, but he or she can't hide anywhere in Here School or the campsite. Boomstick: Yeah yeah, Wiz. Baldi turned aggressive and became a main threat whatever the answer is wrong or the campfire is out to wait longer. Besides, at any point, Baldi catches the student and slaps his or her ass with his ruler so hard to have discipline when not getting away from him around Here School. Ouch! That pain terribly hurts! Wiz: In case of all correct answers in the first notebook, there is the last question that consists of a messy amount of numbers in the second notebook, making it impossible to have the correct answer, and possible to have an incorrect answer. Unlike the first one, the next six notebooks still contain the final questions that confuse a student to let the answer go wrong instead of a normal mathematical problem. Therefore the results would be the same. Boomstick: Men, that math problem confuses me, Wiz. I want the normal one back. (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - Learning is Fun*) Wiz: Uh-huh. Boomstick: Just like that. In order to survive the campfire from the Cloudy Copter or running out of its brightness, the student must pick up at least 1 or more sticks and bring them to it. Wiz: Boomstick, let's move on to the school. Anyway, while Baldi is chasing the student, he or she will encounter the notable personnel of Here School, playing their roles as obstacles of the game, such as Principal of the Thing, who catches him or her for violating any rules in the halls and put them inside his office to have a detention in a matter of seconds. Until he or she finally free from the principal's office after the countdown of seconds. Principal of the Thing: No running in the halls. 15 seconds... Detention for you! When will you learn? Boomstick: Yep. That's the punishment he or she deserves for messing up in the halls like running cowardly. Then there is a schoolgirl named Playtime, who roams around the halls and wants to play someone with her jump rope that can be done jumping 5 times as a mini game once she tagged an unseen student. Playtime: I want to play with someone! Boomstick: But beware, Baldi is chasing him or her while playing a jump rope. Men, that sucks. Just look at it! Playtime: Let's play! Ready?! Go! 1, 2, 3, 4! Wow! That's great! Let's play again, sometimes soon. Boomstick: (Sigh) Such an annoying child... With the door of the Closet opened, that weird-looking broom known as Gotta Sweep is found inside and starts roaming the halls to sweep anyone in its way, except for the bully. Say it with me... Gotta Sweep: GOTTA SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP! Boomstick: GOTTA SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP! Wiz: Then there is the only bully in Here School called "It's a Bully". Boomstick: It's a Bully... What? What did you say, Wiz? That sounds weird. Wiz: Exactly. All he really does is standing still around the start or end of hallways in the schoolhouse, sometimes switching positions as he could completely block the student's path. Boomstick: Ha! Look at his design. He appears to be a weird-looking guy. If the student has something he wants like the BSODa, he can take it and disappear in order to pass through the halls. It's a Bully: I'll take that, it's mine ɴᴏᴡ. Boomstick: There! Now he lets him or her pass. Wiz: Arts and Crafters is a photographed sock puppet who really turns jealous to become another threat alongside Baldi if all 7 notebooks are collected. Also, when first seen, he will rush at the student with his opened mouth and send him or her and Baldi back to the start point. This can cause the player to have risky nightmare before Baldi catches him or her and the game is over. Boomstick: Yeah, that sock puppet is once innocent when his mouth is closed, but turned his mouth opened and jealously became a nightmarish form. Wiz: And one more member of that school is called First Prize, the only loving robot who loves to hug as its hobby. When it notices the student, it will turn around very slowly before facing them and then accelerates forward, pushing anyone, excluding Gotta Sweep and It's a Bully, in its way down the corridor, and possibly straight into either Playtime or Baldi. All of these actions are compared to Gotta Sweep. Baldi has known weaknesses, such as pushing Baldi forward with a blue spray, spitted from BSODa, as well as the other obstacles in the game, excluding It's a Bully and Filename2. (Camera switches to Wiz & Boomstick) Boomstick: Huh! What is BSODa? Wiz: BSoda is possibly a reference to BSOD, which stands for Blue Screen of Death. This critical error occurs when Microsoft Windows operating system encountered data corruption or system failure. (Camera follows Boomstick) Boomstick: O-Oh! That dreaded "screen of deaf". (Camera follows Wiz) Wiz: Inspired by this, BSODa is colored blue and shaped like a soda can. It can be found at the top of the table in the Cafeteria or obtained when inserting a silver coin into the BSODa vending machine. (Camera switches to Wiz & Boomstick) Boomstick: And one more thing is pushing Baldi away from the Student with Gotta Sweep or even First Prize, except of getting closer to him. Wiz: That is how the game takes before ending up with Baldi's success in catching him or her. Boomstick: In the end, the student finally finds the real exit to escape Here School when the entire place is going red and Baldi is moving forward and getting faster. If the student has escaped from the school, Baldi fails to catch him or her. And for camping, keep the campfire alive before its brightness is gone. Damn! Both of these goals are in each game. Wiz: Whenever you got the wrong math answer, beware of the teacher who turned aggressive in Here School. So you must quickly find and collect all 7 notebooks and escape from there, including picking up sticks for the campfire to make it brighter. Or else, you might get caught and hurt to give you a disciplinary, painful nightmare. Boomstick: Wuahh!... That's terrible! Baldi: Congratulations! You found all seven notebooks! Now all you need to do is: GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!! Heh-heh-heeeeeh! Pre-fight (*Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates again*) Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. And we've ran the data through all possibilities. Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!! Who is the smartest and strongest teacher in battle? Keine Kamishirasawa Baldi Death Battle (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - School*) Outside Here School, Keine is approaching to the school's distance. Keine: What school is this? Keine continues to approach the Here School and enters inside. However, she is wondering inside Here School while looking anywhere as a visitor. Keine: It looks like I'm invited in... Hello! Is anyone here? Hello! Baldi: Welcome to Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning! That's me! Keine notices what she hears and immediately sees Baldi at front of her. Keine: Who's there? Baldi: Oh, hi! Welcome to my Schoolhouse! Keine: Hi, my name is Keine Kamishirasawa. It is a pleasure to meet you as a fellow teacher here in this school. So what am I going to do? Baldi: You need to collect 2 notebooks before you can use these doors. Keine: Yes, I'm gonna try the first classroom at the left side. Keine approaches to the first classroom at the left side, but is interrupted by looking at the right side and seeing the school rules in order to read. After that, she opens the door at the left side and enters inside the first classroom to see what are those things around. Keine: Hmm... What's inside the notebook? Once Keine found the first notebook at the top of the teacher's desk, she approaches it and opens up to see some page. (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - Learning is Fun*) Camera switches to You Can Think! Pad™. Baldi: Now it's time for everybody's favorite subject: Math! Answer the three questions correctly, and you might get something special! Just type the correct answer into the empty box. Press the ENTER key on your keyboard when you think you have the right answer. Problem 1! One plus nine equals... Keine correctly answers the first problem number 10. Baldi: Aha, you got it! Problem 2! Nine minus seven equals... Keine correctly answers the second problem number 2. Baldi: Great job! That's right! Problem 3! Two plus six equals... Keine correctly answers the third problem number 8. Baldi: Good one! (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - School again*) Camera switches to Keine. Then she approaches the door, opens it and sees Baldi for a reward. Baldi: You did great! Come here and get your prize! A shiny quarter! Keine approaches to Baldi. Then he gives her a shiny quarter, and she takes it. Keine: Oh, thanks for the coin you gave me. As a teacher, the only subject I mostly know is history, but I used to be smart in solving problems in Math, your favorite subject. Now I'll try the second classroom at the right side and correctly answer the following questions in another notebook. I promise. Keine approaches to the second classroom at the right side next to the school rules, opens the door, and enters inside to see anywhere. When Keine found the second notebook at the top of the teacher's desk, she approaches it and opens up similar to the first notebook. (*Cues: Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning - Learning is Fun again*) Camera switches to You Can Think! Pad™ for the second time. Baldi: Now it's time for everybody's favorite subject: Math! Answer the three questions correctly, and you might get something special! Problem 1! Eight plus nine equals... Keine correctly answers the first problem number 18. Baldi: You're doing fantastic! Problem 2! Three minus eight equals... Keine correctly answers the second problem negative number 4. Baldi: I can't believe it... you're incredible! Problem 3! (very loud startling noise) times (very loud startling noise) times (very loud startling noise) equals... Keine incorrectly answers the third problem number 117. (The music stops) If Keine answer the third question of the second notebook incorrectly, she gets a red X instead and Baldi says "I HEAR EVERY DOOR YOU OPEN" as his face becomes distorted, making him appear to be frowning intensely, and his eyebrows will furrow, making an angry expression. Then the camera switches to Keine and the first strike sound effect of a ruler plays as she looks at the door of the second classroom instead of a notebook. (*Cues: Were-Hakutaku's Thoughts of Education and Learning*) Keine: (I hear something is slapping.) Camera switches to the door of the second classroom and the second strike sound effect of a ruler plays. Then the camera switches back to Keine. Keine: (My gosh! What have I done?) Camera switches to the door of the second classroom for the second time, but Baldi shows around the door as he slowly moves and slaps his ruler on his hand for the third time. Then the camera switches back to Keine again. Keine: (What kind of a fellow teacher are you?) Camera switches to Baldi as he slowly moves forward and slaps his ruler on his hand for the fourth time. Then the camera switches back to Keine for the third time. Keine: (What are you doing?) Camera switches to Baldi as he slowly moves closer to Keine and slaps his ruler on his hand for the fifth time. Then the camera switches back to Keine for the fourth time. Keine: Nevermind. I'll take you on. Keine turns her entire body at front of Baldi, makes her face an angry expression, and enters a combat stance, to which Baldi replies by slapping his ruler on his hand as the exact same thing. FIGHT! Baldi dashes forward and vertically hits his ruler on Keine. She blocks the attack with her defensive arm in few seconds. Keine pushes Baldi forward with her arm. Baldi rushes and lunges his ruler forward on Keine, but she dodges the attack and he is surprised. Baldi: Oh! Keine punches Baldi's face into the nearby door from the second classroom to the halls. Keine prepares Buretsu Crisis to release a star shaped blast and deliver 10 hits to Baldi that comes into contact with it, but he leaps from the wall of the halls, dodges the enemy projectiles, dashes forward, and attacks her as he vertically hits with his ruler. Keine puts the Historic Mirror to block Baldi's ruler attack, and both knock back. Keine: If I red a lot of books, I am smarter than you. So you must respect the history teacher. Baldi is getting angrier while slapping his ruler on his hand. Baldi then dashes forward and tries to diagonally hit Keine with his ruler. Keine: I don't think so! Keine leaps backward to dodge Baldi's ruler attack and manipulates Historic Orb to seek in on Baldi 5 times. She then escapes from Baldi by running in the halls to explore anywhere in the school, while he is dodging the homing projectiles. However, Baldi is getting tired to fail dodging enemy projectiles and got hit by them. As the battle of the teachers goes on, Baldi surprises that Keine went away from him. Meanwhile, Keine is running away from Baldi until she walks in the hallways. After walking, Keine looks at both sides in the halls. Playtime: I want to play with someone! Keine surprises what she is hearing of. She then continues walking around in the hallways before she stops when encountering someone. Playtime: Let's play! Keine shocks and encounters Playtime approaching her while roaming around the halls. Playtime tags Keine to forcefully play with a jumping rope. Playtime: Ready?! go! Keine perfectly jumps over the jump rope 5 times while counting with Playtime. Playtime: 1, 2, 3, 4! Thankfully, Keine finished playing with Playtime's jump rope by the successful fifth jump as Playtime continues roaming around the hallways. Playtime: Wow! That's great! Let's play again, sometimes soon. Keine appreciates Playtime for playing with her jump rope. Keine: Thank you. Keine continues to run and explore somewhere in the school while finding her goal in collecting notebooks. Later, the Principal of the Thing catches her running as she encounters and surprises him. Principal of the Thing: No running in the halls. Once the Principal of the Thing caught Keine for running in the hallways, the screen goes black. Then the black screen fades into a scene, where Keine is having a detention with the Principal of the Thing inside the Principal's Office. Principal of the Thing: 15 seconds... Detention for you! You should know better. Keine slashes Baldi with her claws. She then impales him on her horns before jumping into the air and slamming him to the ground, but both ceiling and the rooftop have destroyed. KO! When Keine went out from Here School, she is set in the place near Baldi's Office, leaving Baldi dead as a confused Its a Bully comes across Baldi's corpse while reading message of the secret ending that needs to progress. After that, she walks to Baldi's Office and meet the non-animated entity named Filename2. Results (*Cues: Were-Hakutaku's Thoughts of Education and Learning again*) Category:'Video Games' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Companies Category:'Battle of the Genders' themed Death Battles Category:Magic vs Technology themed Death Battles Category:Magic vs Technology themed DEATH BATTLEs Category:"Villain vs. Neutral" themed Death Battles Category:Anti Villain themed Death Battles Category:'Villain vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:'Villain vs Anti-Villain' themed Death Battles Category:'Anti-Villain vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:Antagonist Themed Death Battles Category:'East vs West' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles with Music Category:What-If? Death Battles